Hello Vacationistas, Global Globetrotters & Sultry Summer Babes,
I want to share a very sad turned sort of happy story with you. Have a listen because I want to inspire you to keep going even though you may feel you may have nothing to give, you are at the end of the road or what does this all mean? Keep going. Keep growing. It's a stretch. It's gonna feel a bit different.
My story is about my failures and my losses. I don’t often BRAG about my failures and would much rather hit you up with stories and pics from my travels from all over the world. Painting the story that I’m on vacation every hour of the day even thought I'm working in between. Always feeling like I’m on vacation is my guilty pleasure. It’s my little game that I keep playing. It’s how I transform the hardship into fun. The grind into pleasure. This next part may hit you in the gut so get ready….we are going on a little trip.
So where did I find the courage to travel the world? To take this massive leap? A year ago today my fiancé and I split up….. and a little over 2 years ago today I had a physically excruciating miscarriage on my wedding day in Costa Rica. Loosing my baby was heartbreaking and it’s been so difficult to even open up about it. To even feel the feelings. Having a miscarriage was more difficult than loosing my relationship. He was once my “dream man.” He was the man I waited for all those years who made all the other relationship I had been in seem so wrong because he was so right.
Why am I sharing this story with all you beautiful babes who have become part of my tribe? My mersurmuses? All this heartbreak allowed me to look at my life very differently after this went down. It made me realize I was settling, I was not going after what I truly wanted. I was just taking what life was giving me. It made me dig deep inside my self and answer some tough questions and find some very revealing answers.
What I learned that I was truly deeply unhappy….I was unhappy living in NYC. I had been there for 20 years and was never really in love with it. I had always dreamed of living some place tropical. I have always been the happiest when I have been traveling, learning about new places and spaces. Instead of moving, I got into a relationship with a tropical man, a Brazilian living in cold dreary NYC for more than half of his life. When what I really wanted was to proverbially…..live in BRAZIL. …..I learned that I could not make a person change for me. I learned that relationships have to be 50/50 or at least 60/40. I learned through all this heartbreak of loosing my child, a breakup, leaving your home and letting everything go is not what I wanted to do but it’s what I needed to do. I also needed to love my self more. I needed to not cave to every whim of the person I was with. I needed to stop being a people pleaser to my clients. I needed change. I needed to get out of NYC, I needed to be in a relationship where I was valued and seen as special. I needed a soft cushion to lie on when things were rough and I need a BIG push from the universe to keep traveling, to keep exploring, to try new places out…like Miami…. I had become so uncomfortable in my own skin. I needed to GROW.