When was the last time you truly felt alive? When was the last time you allowed your inner self to come out and play?
Hello Vacationistas, Global Globetrotters & Sultry Summer Babes,
I want to share a very sad turned sort of happy story with you. Have a listen because I want to inspire you to keep going even though you may feel you may have nothing to give, you are at the end of the road or what does this all mean? Keep going. Keep growing. It's a stretch. It's gonna feel a bit different.
My story is about my failures and my losses. I don’t often BRAG about my failures and would much rather hit you up with stories and pics from my travels from all over the world. Painting the story that I’m on vacation every hour of the day even thought I'm working in between. Always feeling like I’m on vacation is my guilty pleasure. It’s my little game that I keep playing. It’s how I transform the hardship into fun. The grind into pleasure. This next part may hit you in the gut so get ready….we are going on a little trip.
So where did I find the courage to travel the world? To take this massive leap? A year ago today my fiancé and I split up….. and a little over 2 years ago today I had a physically excruciating miscarriage on my wedding day in Costa Rica. Loosing my baby was heartbreaking and it’s been so difficult to even open up about it. To even feel the feelings. Having a miscarriage was more difficult than loosing my relationship. He was once my “dream man.” He was the man I waited for all those years who made all the other relationship I had been in seem so wrong because he was so right.
Why am I sharing this story with all you beautiful babes who have become part of my tribe? My mersurmuses? All this heartbreak allowed me to look at my life very differently after this went down. It made me realize I was settling, I was not going after what I truly wanted. I was just taking what life was giving me. It made me dig deep inside my self and answer some tough questions and find some very revealing answers.
What I learned that I was truly deeply unhappy….I was unhappy living in NYC. I had been there for 20 years and was never really in love with it. I had always dreamed of living some place tropical. I have always been the happiest when I have been traveling, learning about new places and spaces. Instead of moving, I got into a relationship with a tropical man, a Brazilian living in cold dreary NYC for more than half of his life. When what I really wanted was to proverbially…..live in BRAZIL. …..I learned that I could not make a person change for me. I learned that relationships have to be 50/50 or at least 60/40. I learned through all this heartbreak of loosing my child, a breakup, leaving your home and letting everything go is not what I wanted to do but it’s what I needed to do. I also needed to love my self more. I needed to not cave to every whim of the person I was with. I needed to stop being a people pleaser to my clients. I needed change. I needed to get out of NYC, I needed to be in a relationship where I was valued and seen as special. I needed a soft cushion to lie on when things were rough and I need a BIG push from the universe to keep traveling, to keep exploring, to try new places out…like Miami…. I had become so uncomfortable in my own skin. I needed to GROW.
And I did just that by way of the comfort of my friends UWS apartment for a month in hot and sweaty August, summer weekends at friends home in the Hamptons and the beauty and ease of my parents lake house in September and then France in the fall with my former lover and airline captain. I needed to roam free. I needed to untrap myself from what I thought I wanted. What I had previously bought into as right for me and the right kind of NYC lifestyle.
What good is the “right NYC lifestyle” if you don’t really love where you live. If you are always dreaming of exotic lands, balmy nights and sunny mornings that turn into bright and bold afternoons……………..
I also wanted to work on Mersur, my resort chic lifestyle brand 24/7 but was always at the beck and call of my freelance clients. I was growing dissatisfied with this too. I had been freelancing for 17 years and it was finally time for my dream to come to fruition. My dream of having my own lifestyle brand where I could inspire myself and those around me. I needed and wanted to focus on this DREAM. This baby…who is now a toddler and running quite fast and then other times passed out in a nap.
What I learned from all struggle…..Is that I do have courage. I have the strength to throw of my bowlines and let go of the shore. To really get out there and I have no safety net. I have nothing to hold me back. Not just for a week or a weekend but maybe even for a year…trying out places…..That I can pick my self up after heartbreak and keep going. That I can connect with people where ever I go and make friends. I learned that my dream is really strong and that I will go to bat for it. I have the loyalty to myself to stick up for my dream even though my personal life felt like a failure. In my business I do not feel like a commercial success just yet, I know it’s coming. I know I am taking the baby steps every day to get there. That every day I feel weary and bruised to the bone…….but I know someday soon that feeling will lift. Why am I so hopeful? Because I know feelings are not forever. I look forward to celebrating with all of you. I look forward to inspiring you every day to take a giant leap forward or just the itszy-bitsy baby step. It’s worth it for your dreams. It’s worth if for the pleasure of being alive.
Looking forward to toasting with you all at the New Years Eve Retreat in Costa Rica. Cheers! Let's throw off our bows lines together and jump in. Will you join me?
Sarzy, The Chief Mersur Muse